All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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