His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
