and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
