she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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