I accidentally had phone sex last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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