he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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