i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
