i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
