I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
