There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize