so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Pooping to opera.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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