Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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