I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
