Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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