If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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