After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
