If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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