I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
