im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
