A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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