I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have fence marks all over my body
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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