Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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