Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
