don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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