yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize