apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
