Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
