just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i would punch a child for taco bell
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
