New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
