So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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