You really coming over, don't trick.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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