my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
