my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize