Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
