This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
