Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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