I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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