woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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