I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
