if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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