i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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