Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
