brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
