She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
