Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?