Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know, be my cock's hype man.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
