the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
