i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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