Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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