YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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