Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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