You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
