operation have a gay friend backfired
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
