i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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