Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize